1 00:01:17,536 --> 00:01:21,832 For one thousand centuries... 2 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:27,004 the Falafel family has ruled the deserts with one thing: 3 00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,755 Speed! 4 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:33,343 We have the fastest camels and the fastest horses! 5 00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:36,305 Now, due to... 6 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,017 ...you know what... 7 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:44,730 ...we have the fastest planes... 8 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:48,317 ...the fastest boats and the fastest cars! 9 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,861 Except for one: yours! 10 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:56,033 Last year I sent you to America for one simple task. 11 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:57,826 So simple. 12 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:02,247 To emblazon the Falafel name as the fastest in the world 13 00:02:02,331 --> 00:02:06,126 by winning the Cannonball Run. 14 00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:09,755 And you .. . failed! 15 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,885 A thousand thanks! - But Lion of the deserts... 16 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,262 ...King of Kings... 17 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:23,143 ...Pop! - No excuses, you son of my ugliest wife! 18 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:28,649 A thousand thanks! 19 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:38,617 How come you have a blond, blue-eyed slave, hm? 20 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:44,039 He's an actor. Hasn't had a series in seven years. 21 00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,667 Nine! 22 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:53,048 Two thousand thanks! - l know I didn't win, Pop. 23 00:02:53,256 --> 00:02:56,259 I was sick. My ulcer... 24 00:02:56,343 --> 00:03:00,263 I order you back to America... 25 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,642 ...to win the Cannonball Run! 26 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,728 I give you one Iast chance, because... 27 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,148 ...you are my only son with a driver's Iicense. 28 00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:14,528 But Pop, there is no Cannonball Run this year. - So? 29 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:20,075 Buy one. - Of course! 30 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:45,726 Couple of wise guys behind us. - SIow down. Let's see how ballsy they are. 31 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:53,233 Wow! What a couple of great-Iooking chicks! - So much for boredom! - Let's nail 'em! 32 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,755 Wise broads. - They can't outrun the radio. 33 00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:00,008 Charlie, you got one heading your way. You'Il see it in about three minutes. 34 00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:04,012 You're three minutes are up! Man, a couple of great-Iooking chicks! 35 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:20,862 Road's straight as an arrow. I can see for five miles. Wonder where they are? 36 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:25,575 Don't panic. Just watch the side roads for dust. No way they can shake us. 37 00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:38,505 You heard me? I think we Iost 'em. - How can you lose a white Lamborghini 38 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:44,177 with two chicks in the middle of nowhere? - What is this? A puiz? We Iost 'em, okay? 39 00:05:44,302 --> 00:05:47,764 Haha. I just found 'em, son. This here's the end of the hunt. 40 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,599 Good luck, buddy! 41 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:57,566 Figure, they gotta be between us. Just puII out and block the damn' road. 42 00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:01,820 You got any other bright ideas? 43 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:25,093 I'm eastbound in pursuit of a white Lamborghini. 44 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,846 This is not a recording. 45 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,872 Hey, thanks for the hose job! 46 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,766 If l tell you boys something, you won't think I've been drinking, will ya? 47 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:17,479 The white Lamborghini is vanished, but there's a red one behind me honking its horn. 48 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:22,275 Correction! It's passing me, and it's got two great-Iooking chicks in it! 49 00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:48,760 You know Marcie, we've got this routine down. - Yeah, I think we're ready for the Cannonball. 50 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,638 Oh yeah, l think so. How far is Redondo Beach? 51 00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:54,766 1 50 miles. - Hm, an hour flat. 52 00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,560 What are we waiting for? Let's go! 53 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:31,845 Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the fifth annual Madera air show. 54 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:36,766 The greatest, most sensational gathering of stunt pilots and daredevils in the uS. 55 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:40,729 Displays of flying and courage like you've never seen before... 56 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,815 ...concluding with the most death-defying stunt of them all: 57 00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:47,569 The human Bomb! So grab your kids, grab your hats. 58 00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,613 The festivities will begin shortly! 59 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:59,164 Are you sure this is a good idea, J .J.? 60 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,542 A good idea? 61 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,587 We're gonna get so rich. - Rich? - Rich! 62 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:09,507 We're gonna split everything 50I50 right down the middle. We're partners! 63 00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,761 Partners? - You bet. We're friends, aren't we? - Partners and friends. 64 00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:16,389 And we're gonna be rich. - Rich partners and friends. - That's right! 65 00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:20,560 What if something goes wrong? - What could go wrong? 66 00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:25,774 We've got the ace dive bomber pilot from World War I l . 67 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,277 Dive bomber? - Oh yeah. He'II Iet you go right out of the plane... 68 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,156 ...with this. And you'll go right through that target. - Target? - Right through... 69 00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:35,909 ...and into a net, strong net. . . - Net? 70 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:39,788 And if you go through the net, then you'II land in some hay. l mean, so much hay 71 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:43,625 you couId feed all the cattle in Texas. - What am I worried about? 72 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,836 Nothing! Are you crazy? - l'm so glad you're Iaughing. 73 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:51,674 He can't miss! He can't miss! I bless you. You will not miss. 74 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,053 J .J., l'm still scared. - You're still scared? - Yeah. 75 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:59,390 Well, if you're scared, you couId always have "him" do it. 76 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:03,645 "Him" doesn't come unless there's grave danger to human Iife. 77 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,314 Right... 78 00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:09,901 You oughta call "him". 79 00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,365 Hello, this is Jack Smith. 80 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:20,161 We've brought our cameras to record for our 30 million viewers a vintage dive bomber, 81 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:24,290 flying on a simuIated attack run, drop a human bomb. 82 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:27,752 A man encased in steel, risking Iife and limb, 83 00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:30,922 hurtling to the ground at 1 40 miles per hour! 84 00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,925 Now, this is a man of such great courage 85 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,344 that he's destined to become a household name. 86 00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,180 He'II be besieged for autographs, 87 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:42,517 his picture will be on magazine covers all over the world. 88 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,645 Millions of adoring women will be at his feet. 89 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:48,565 He's bound to become a national celebrity. 90 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,280 Oh, shit... 91 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,661 J .J.! Long time no see! - Nice to see you, Captain Chaos. 92 00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:06,249 Listen, l'd like to take your place in the bomb. - Have no fear. "Him" is here. 93 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,377 It'd make me very happy. - You want it? - Yes. - You got it. 94 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,755 Thank you. - Suck in! - Okay. 95 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,008 What a guy! 96 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,519 Give me a D, give me a D, give me a D-E-u , 97 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:30,023 give me a T, give me a T, T- S-C-H . 98 00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:33,401 Yea, Deutschland! Listen... 99 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,613 You think you might like a beer? - Hey! 100 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:41,034 Hey! - Deutschland, Deutschland. .. - l want outta here! 101 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,995 You asked for it! 102 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,132 Here he comes, folks.. . Here he is... 103 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:59,052 One of the most dangerous stunts we've ever had performed in Madera. 104 00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:06,100 On his final approach.. . This has to be perfect the first time around . 105 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,172 That's my partner. What a team! 106 00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:39,759 The crash trucks are on their way. We'II have word on his condition in a minute. 107 00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:42,637 What a pilot! What a pilot! Are you okay? 108 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,266 Oh my goodness, did you see that? Wasn't that fantastic? 109 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,352 I'm so terrifically happy.. . - Oh, shut up and get me outta here! 110 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,729 Did you hear the crowd? We were terrific! - Get me out! 111 00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:55,608 I can just see us on PEOPLE magazine. We're gonna be a big hit! 112 00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:58,319 J .J., you seem a little shorter! 113 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:02,490 J .J., are you okay? You know something? l figured it out. - Yeah? 114 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:05,535 If we do this ten times a day. .. - Yeah? - . . . by the end of the year 115 00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,912 we're gonna be billionaires! 116 00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,249 What is that? - Oh don't worry about that. lt's the Cannonball Race. 117 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:15,295 It's on again. A million dollars' the prize. Don't worry. We're gonna be billionaires. 118 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:21,676 What did I say? - You want me to do this ten times a day? 119 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:23,761 Nine? 120 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,390 What a grouch! 121 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,985 I asked you to come here out of respect for the family. 122 00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:42,905 In the past, the Cannelloni family 123 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:48,077 was the richest and most powertul family of all the families. 124 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:53,416 We controlled drugs, prostitution, extortion, 125 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,754 prostitution, gambling. .. - Eh. 126 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,923 You said "prostitution" twice. 127 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,801 Well, I like it. And now... 128 00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:08,514 ...the Rigatonis, the Tortellinis, the Fettucinis... 129 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:12,727 ...and even the Raviolis are bigger than we are. 130 00:14:14,145 --> 00:14:15,355 And why? 131 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:21,986 High interest rates? - Acid rain? - Japanese imports? 132 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:29,744 None of the above. 133 00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,414 No.. . No.. . No. 134 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,541 You I'm not even gonna answer. 135 00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:40,129 Gee boss, if I knew there was gonna be a test l . . . I wouId have studied. 136 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:44,384 When I passed on the powers of the Don... 137 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,011 ...to my son Don, 138 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:50,056 making him Don Don, 139 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:52,392 I had high hopes for him. 140 00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:57,313 And what has he done? He has only brought us disgrace... 141 00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:59,732 ...and shame. 142 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,070 Wait a minute... 143 00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:09,033 This cat is dead. 144 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:13,579 Get me a new cat. 145 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,751 Oh God... 146 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:22,004 The cat couId have been a contender. 147 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,590 I should have thought. .. Thank you. 148 00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,137 It's a tabby. Very nice. 149 00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,266 It's a boy. 150 00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:42,483 Boys, go to Vegas. Lean on Don. 151 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:47,738 Don Don. - Hm? - We're here to straighten out your affairs. 152 00:15:48,406 --> 00:15:51,033 What are your assets? 153 00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:56,164 Well, I'm good-natured and I dress well. And some people think... 154 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:02,295 What about your Iiabilities? - Well, there is... 155 00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,755 ...one small Iiability. 156 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,090 What? 157 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:09,385 Well. . . I couId use a tummy tuck. 158 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,180 A tummy tuck? A tummy tuck?! 159 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:17,143 I'II kill him. . . I'll kill him. - Calm yourself. - I'll kill him. 160 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:22,023 Don Don, do you have any outstanding markers? 161 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:25,485 Look in the in-box. - Look in the in-box. 162 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:32,241 30,000.. . It's not too outstanding, but it's a start. 163 00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:38,372 Fenderbaum? - Hm . - Fenderbaum ... 164 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:47,256 You better call Jim and tell him where his car is. - Me? I called last time. You call Jim. 165 00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,515 Well, hi there! - Hi! Could l help you girls? 166 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:59,727 This thing's stuck. - Oh yeah. Yeah. 167 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,814 Take a hike, Mike. - Yeah, get Iost. 168 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:12,990 ugh. What a jerk! - Okay. What are we gonna do? Marcie, hey. 169 00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,994 Hey, honey. Right here, yeah. Come on here, baby. 170 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,163 Hi, sugar. 171 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:25,294 You girls all right? - CouId be. 172 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:28,047 This is a beauty. Doesn't sound stock. 173 00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:32,510 It isn't. I took the six out and shoe-horned in a 363 hemi. 174 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:36,013 It's hot, baby. - Hey, you got room for two more? 175 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:41,310 I'm Marcie. - Yeah, and l'm Jill. - l'm George. - Let's go, Georgie. 176 00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:49,485 L.A. Tower to Japan cargo. Report to hangar three. 177 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:51,529 Roger, Tower. 178 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:56,033 No luck. They want us in customs. They'II impound your car for two days. 179 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:59,370 That means, you're gonna miss the race. What do you want to do? 180 00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,748 Okay, down! - Okay. 181 00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,501 Change of plans. You're bailing out. 182 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,547 Button up! - Roger. 183 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,343 Battle stations! 184 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,677 Okay, make us invisible. 185 00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:45,393 I know you're in there, Blake. I can hear the ice cubes. 186 00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,896 This is me, Fenderbaum. So open up! 187 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:54,276 Blake, I know you're in there! 188 00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:13,754 The Candy Man can. 189 00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:24,098 Everybody Ioves somebody, sometime... 190 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:30,813 When I make a dry martini, I make a dry martini. 191 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:40,322 There's somebody at the window. - That's just the window cleaner. 192 00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:46,370 Honey, who is it? - l don't know. There's nobody there. 193 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:47,997 Blake! 194 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:54,128 Open up the window! - l'II be back in a minute. Don't go away. 195 00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:57,757 I'm gonna kill him. 196 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,845 There's nothing out here. - BIake! Down here! 197 00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,976 I don't care what it is. Not now! 198 00:21:09,018 --> 00:21:11,228 But I gotta talk to you now. 199 00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,522 You gotta? - Yes. 200 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:24,033 Do you know that I'm eighteen stories above the ground? Eighteen! 201 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:26,243 Eighteen? - Yes, eighteen! 202 00:21:30,247 --> 00:21:32,041 Eighteen? 203 00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:42,259 You know you're the tallest short guy I've ever seen? 204 00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:47,681 Read this, will you? Just read that. That's from the Sheik. 205 00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,976 They're gonna start the Cannonball again. And the sheik's putting up 206 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:56,148 $1 million to the winner. And you know who the winner will be? $1 million! 207 00:21:56,816 --> 00:22:00,027 Take it easy now. No, don't come out. 208 00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:02,655 I'II come in. - BIake? 209 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:08,744 Where are you going? - l gotta do it. lt's a million dollars. 210 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:11,288 You creep! 211 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:18,003 Where did you get the scaffold? - Huh? I thought this was the elevator. 212 00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:34,812 I see you got my telegram, Doctor. 213 00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,774 Was that that yellow thing with the printing on it? 214 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:42,736 Yes. - I got that, yes. I read that. It's uhm... 215 00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:45,656 It was. . . What does it say? 216 00:22:46,824 --> 00:22:49,577 It said I wish to employ your services 217 00:22:49,743 --> 00:22:53,163 to take care of my royal ulcer during the Cannonball Run. 218 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,876 Do you know much about ulcers? 219 00:22:56,876 --> 00:23:00,504 Proctology's my specialty. 220 00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:03,173 I'm very probably... 221 00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:07,094 ...the world's most famous expert on uIcers. 222 00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:12,892 I should probably give you an examination right now. Open up there. 223 00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:21,233 I sterilized it. Before we go any further... 224 00:23:22,651 --> 00:23:26,780 There's the matter of my fee. We should discuss my fee... 225 00:23:28,991 --> 00:23:32,995 It's... just about that amount. 226 00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:39,543 Hey, wait a minute. You gonna drink milk? - Yeah. 227 00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:42,504 Aren't you afraid it's gonna curdle when it hits your liver? 228 00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:45,257 My Iiver died Iast year. 229 00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:51,513 Can I help you? -? - Anybody around here speak Oriental? 230 00:23:54,516 --> 00:23:57,811 Sure. One sake coming up. 231 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:06,737 What he said was: "BIackjack and water" 232 00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:09,490 Now! 233 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:14,078 You got it? - Yes Sir. Coming right up. 234 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:20,250 We'II get a nice big bottle of champagne, and then we'll go up to my place. 235 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,836 Father, what are you saying? 236 00:24:23,921 --> 00:24:26,590 Didn't you ever see THORnBIRDS? 237 00:24:28,592 --> 00:24:32,346 Hey pal, I'll never get Iaid in this outfit. 238 00:24:32,513 --> 00:24:36,016 From now on, I'm gonna wear nothing but open collars. 239 00:24:36,517 --> 00:24:40,729 No man can Iive by bread alone. - l can. I Iove bread. 240 00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:44,358 You know, my favorite is a Parker House roll. lt just is so nice. 241 00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:47,903 And then the Russian rye. You know, there's so many raisins in it that... 242 00:24:48,404 --> 00:24:51,490 I'm not talking about that. - O... Okay. 243 00:24:51,782 --> 00:24:54,660 I'm talking about women. - Women? - Women. 244 00:24:54,868 --> 00:24:59,415 I want a girl that's sensitive and vuInerable. I really.. . I need a girl. 245 00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:02,918 Yeah! Me too. - You? 246 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:07,840 Sure. Hey J.J . , I'm not a eunuch, you know? - Of course you're not a eunuch. 247 00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:10,384 Don't put yourself down like that. 248 00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:13,512 You have a striking resemblance to a eunuch, but you... 249 00:25:14,513 --> 00:25:18,017 I'm just kidding. You want a girl? You can have one of my girls. 250 00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:21,395 I couIdn't take one of your girls. - Oh, you can. - Well, maybe just one. 251 00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:23,355 To clear up my complexion. 252 00:25:26,025 --> 00:25:29,236 So tomorrow.. . - Tomorrow. - .. . we turn over a new Ieaf. - A new leaf. 253 00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:32,406 up and clean! - up and clean. 254 00:25:35,492 --> 00:25:37,995 And tonight. . . down and dirty. 255 00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:43,542 Hi J.J .! - Hi! Are you guys doing anything tonight? 256 00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:47,421 Not now. - Let's go somewhere and talk about customs and camshafts. 257 00:25:47,504 --> 00:25:49,757 Coming, J .J. ! 258 00:26:05,606 --> 00:26:09,401 Do we still owe Don Don $30,000? 259 00:26:10,069 --> 00:26:12,279 Did you pay him? - No. 260 00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:15,032 Well, then we still owe him $30,000! 261 00:26:16,575 --> 00:26:19,620 Well, one of his collection men came to collect it. 262 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:23,832 Wh.. . wh.. . where? - He's at the front door, but don't Iook. 263 00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:28,504 I said don't Iook! 264 00:26:28,754 --> 00:26:32,132 If he's at the front door, we'II go out the back door, 265 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:35,260 since he can't be at two places at one time, right? 266 00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:38,430 That's a good suggestion. - Split city. 267 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:44,269 We're gonna die. - Aye. 268 00:26:48,148 --> 00:26:52,069 What are they gonna do to us? - Don't know what they're gonna do to you, 269 00:26:52,236 --> 00:26:56,740 but since Mr. T. ain't here, I'm gonna be too busy Iickin' their boots to see! 270 00:27:04,414 --> 00:27:07,000 The money, or I'II blow you away! 271 00:27:07,167 --> 00:27:09,378 I'II take the money. 272 00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:16,510 Listen guys, why would a couple of operators Iike us be in Redondo Beach 273 00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:20,347 with a bunch of hayseeds in jumpsuits? - Okay, wise guys. 274 00:27:20,514 --> 00:27:24,268 You tell us! - We're gonna race to Connecticut and the one that wins 275 00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:28,647 gets $1 million in cash! - Only a moron would back up a race like that. 276 00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:31,817 Ahh, Fenderboom, BIake! 277 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:35,988 Good to see you! You should be sleeping at this hour. 278 00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:38,490 Remember, we leave at noon tomorrow. 279 00:27:42,286 --> 00:27:45,789 Wingtips...? Barbarians. 280 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:52,254 Come, come! Buy yourselves a decent clothing store. 281 00:27:52,504 --> 00:27:55,507 Infidels! - That's the moron. 282 00:27:56,383 --> 00:28:00,095 You know, these Iiars could be telling the truth. 283 00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:22,743 Hymie Kaplan, what a surprise! 284 00:28:23,368 --> 00:28:25,913 Oh wow! You look wonderfuI! 285 00:28:26,997 --> 00:28:31,251 What brings you to the Pinto Ranch? Is it business or pleasure? 286 00:28:35,255 --> 00:28:37,507 May I have a chair? - Oh, certainly. 287 00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:45,265 Oh, it's business. 288 00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:47,726 I just spoke to Dad , isn't that funny? 289 00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:51,521 Don. You don't mind if I call you Don Don, do you? - No, no. 290 00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:56,276 Oh good, Don Don. When your father was having a Iittle trouble with you in Brooklyn, 291 00:28:56,401 --> 00:29:00,489 he called me and asked me for a favor. Could he send you out here to Vegas 292 00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:04,034 so that I couId watch over yours. So what do I do? 293 00:29:04,117 --> 00:29:06,745 I give you a job working at the casino. And what did you do? 294 00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:10,791 You spend all your time working on the chorus Iines! - One line! 295 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:13,585 I slept with one Iousy chorus line! - Shut up! 296 00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:18,048 The second favor I do for yours: you come to me 297 00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:21,635 and l lend you the money to start this. .. - Hymie, 298 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,013 the recession has hurt every small businessman. - Oh yeah. 299 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,268 What does he owe? - As of 0:30, 300 00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:33,563 the compounded 24o!o interest weekly brings it to exactly 301 00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:39,069 0 million, 332 thousand , 446 dollars and 55 cents. 302 00:29:39,319 --> 00:29:41,238 Hymie, I'm doing the best I can! 303 00:29:41,530 --> 00:29:44,074 What?! l'II kill you. 304 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,290 That's what's so tragic. I'm gonna do you another big favor. 305 00:29:51,999 --> 00:29:55,252 I'll give you exactly until tomorrow to pay everything off. 306 00:29:55,335 --> 00:29:57,337 Well, it's no problem 'cause... - Shut up. 307 00:29:59,006 --> 00:30:01,675 Exactly 24 hours, Don Don. 308 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,927 I mean, Dumb Dumb. 309 00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:07,431 I think I call you Dumb Dumb from now on. 310 00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:11,101 What do you think about that, chaps? 311 00:30:13,020 --> 00:30:15,647 It's very funny, boss! - lt ain't funny! 312 00:30:15,772 --> 00:30:18,108 Now, l'II tell you when somethin' is funny! 313 00:30:19,776 --> 00:30:22,029 Mahana, Dumb Dumb. 314 00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:24,740 Hymie, one question. 315 00:30:25,991 --> 00:30:28,327 Oh my God! 316 00:30:31,288 --> 00:30:33,373 What was the puestion? 317 00:30:33,749 --> 00:30:36,084 It'll keep, Hymie. 318 00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:45,344 Are you sure this guy's your uncle? - Yeah, and l told you he's your uncle too. 319 00:30:45,427 --> 00:30:48,305 Listen, l told you, don't tell me, don't explain it to me again, please. 320 00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:52,225 He's my mother's brother, who moved to California, and my mother 321 00:30:52,351 --> 00:30:55,103 is your father's sister, and you're my mother's brother's son. 322 00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:04,738 Is that our uncle? - As. .. as they said, he had.. . er... 323 00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:07,908 ...er. . . a white Iimo. I ain't seen him in 20 years. 324 00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:10,827 He's from your side of the family. 325 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,373 uncle Cal? 326 00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:21,046 Howdy, boys! Cal's the name and cars is my game. 327 00:31:21,129 --> 00:31:25,300 Got some real sweetheart for Iittle down and 0.0o!o financing. 328 00:31:26,051 --> 00:31:30,847 uncle Cal , I'm. .. I'm your nephew. . . er. . . Melvin from North Carolina. 329 00:31:31,264 --> 00:31:35,477 You're my brother and sister's boy? - And I'm your nephew Tony from Brooklyn. 330 00:31:35,811 --> 00:31:38,230 What pair are you out of? 331 00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:42,025 Well, it don't matter. Guess you boys are wandering about my driver? 332 00:31:44,319 --> 00:31:46,988 He sure looks a Iittle. . . er. . . little. .. er. .. Iittle... 333 00:31:47,406 --> 00:31:49,241 He.. . he's weird. 334 00:31:49,282 --> 00:31:52,035 Yeah, I mean, is it easy to get a Iicense in this town? 335 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,247 Oh, he ain't got no Iicense! Come here. 336 00:31:55,997 --> 00:32:00,752 I do all the driving from here. He just sits there and Iooks like he's driving. 337 00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:03,630 It's a publicity gimmick. I got a slogan: 338 00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:07,008 "If a monkey can drive, so can you!" 339 00:32:11,096 --> 00:32:14,766 I Iove this boy. He's part of our family. 340 00:32:15,767 --> 00:32:18,770 Come on, son. Ain't he cute? 341 00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:23,650 Hey Iook. Hey, uncle Cal. We got a real real problem . 342 00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:27,654 Hey uncle Cal, we ain't got any money right now. We're flat broke. 343 00:32:27,737 --> 00:32:30,073 Yeah, but we need a car right away. 344 00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:35,579 What are you boys doin' out here? - uncle Cal, we.. . er. . . we're Ca... 345 00:32:35,912 --> 00:32:38,540 We're... we're Cannon. . . - We are Cannonballers. 346 00:32:39,332 --> 00:32:42,502 Stop it, boy! I told you not to play with the phones. 347 00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:48,008 Damn chimp costs me $300 a month in wrong numbers. 348 00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:53,680 Hey, stop it, you primate! That's it! I've had it with you! 349 00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:57,476 Excuse me, fellas. I've gotta teach this old boy some manners. 350 00:32:58,477 --> 00:32:59,728 Son! 351 00:33:02,105 --> 00:33:03,732 Now you've stepped in it! 352 00:33:08,111 --> 00:33:11,239 Boys, l got one condition on the deal. 353 00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:16,495 I'm gonna give you the Iimo, but only if you take this hairy son-of-a-bitch with you! 354 00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:25,003 If he's a choreographer, I'm an aviator. - Really? 355 00:33:25,504 --> 00:33:30,300 Same old slop. Let's go to the coffee shop. - Alright. 356 00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:33,053 See you at the matinee? - Yeah. 357 00:33:34,054 --> 00:33:37,307 If l have to sing "Sound of music" one more time, I'm gonna croak! 358 00:33:37,390 --> 00:33:41,228 I'm so sick of the Crap family, I'm gonna scream! 359 00:33:44,814 --> 00:33:48,068 Oh, it's so crowded. - Why do we eat here at all? 360 00:33:48,902 --> 00:33:52,030 Here Sisters, take this table. We're finished. - Oh, thank you. 361 00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:56,284 Very generous and very sweet of you. Bless you . Awfully nice of you . 362 00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:04,793 I tell you, I'm sick of coffee shops, I'm sick of the show. 363 00:34:05,085 --> 00:34:07,587 I'm sick of show business. - Betty, Iook at it this way: 364 00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:11,341 It's a stepping stone to Broadway. - l'm getting out while l'm at the bottom. 365 00:34:11,424 --> 00:34:14,594 Finito, Veronica. I wanna get married , I wanna have a big house. 366 00:34:14,761 --> 00:34:17,681 I just wanna find some nice, sweet, bozo millionaire. 367 00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:20,350 You know what I'm gonna do with my half of the million? - Tell me. - Alright. 368 00:34:20,725 --> 00:34:23,478 I'm gonna buy my mom a great, big, brand new house. 369 00:34:23,812 --> 00:34:28,149 And I'm gonna buy my nephew a pony. And I will get the kid a shovel, 370 00:34:28,275 --> 00:34:32,487 because ponies.. . - I tell you somethin' - J.J., what are you gonna do with yours? 371 00:34:32,529 --> 00:34:35,282 My money's gonna be gone, before I even get to the car. - Really? 372 00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:40,912 Come on, let's go introduce ourselves. - Are you crazy? 373 00:34:41,413 --> 00:34:44,165 Oh my God! - For Jesus Christ! 374 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:53,883 Excuse us gentlemen, but we have just spilled coffee all over the table. 375 00:34:54,009 --> 00:34:56,636 Would you mind , if we sat with you? - Sit with us? 376 00:34:56,761 --> 00:35:00,515 You wanna join us? - Oh no, don't get up. - Sure. - Boy-nun, boy-nun. 377 00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:04,144 Boy-nun, boy-nun? - Thank you , Sir. 378 00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:07,230 J .J., they're gonna join us. - Yeah. - Thank you. 379 00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:09,733 I'm Sister Veronica. - And I'm Sister Betty. 380 00:35:09,899 --> 00:35:13,737 How do you do? - l'm J.J . McCIure and this is Victor Prinze. 381 00:35:14,070 --> 00:35:17,032 We're partners. - Are you boys married? 382 00:35:17,490 --> 00:35:19,743 No, just partners. 383 00:35:21,995 --> 00:35:25,373 Partners? Well, sweet. - Sister Betty? 384 00:35:25,498 --> 00:35:28,251 That's correct. But we're not partners, we're Sisters. Not real sisters. 385 00:35:28,376 --> 00:35:33,798 We're just in the same order together. - So what do you gentlemen do for a living? 386 00:35:34,299 --> 00:35:36,676 We race across the country. For money. 387 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:40,013 Oh, and we're gonna have a race today to the East Coast. 388 00:35:40,180 --> 00:35:42,515 Are you racing to Broadway? 389 00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:47,145 Connecticut. What order did you say you're from? 390 00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:49,773 Oh, actually it's just a... a bunch of girls. 391 00:35:49,898 --> 00:35:53,109 Bunch of girls? - We're affiliated together in the Order of... 392 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,988 Immaculate... - ... Chastity. The Order of Immaculate Chastity. 393 00:35:57,364 --> 00:36:01,826 The Order of Immaculate Chastity. I read the Bible all the time. 394 00:36:01,993 --> 00:36:05,246 In fact, I read the Bible that was printed on the head of a pin. 395 00:36:05,497 --> 00:36:08,041 That was hard. But I never heard of the... 396 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:11,628 Well, you have to read the New Testament. That. .. It's not even in the New Testament. 397 00:36:11,753 --> 00:36:14,422 It's the New. .. - New Wave. - Aha! 398 00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:17,759 New. .. New Test... very progressive Testament. - We'll try to catch it. 399 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:21,054 We have holy work to do. Let's go. 400 00:36:21,388 --> 00:36:23,765 Okay. Well, maybe some other time. 401 00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:28,978 At what time did you say your race is? - Noon. - At the Portofino Inn, Sister. 402 00:36:29,771 --> 00:36:32,774 Goodbye, Sister Veronica. - Come, Sister Betty. 403 00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:35,610 Nice meetin' you, Sister. - Thank you. - Bye bye. 404 00:36:35,735 --> 00:36:38,530 Come on, hurry Sister Betty, we have lots of Iepers waiting. 405 00:36:40,490 --> 00:36:43,284 Don Don? - What is this now? - Everything is fine. 406 00:36:43,493 --> 00:36:46,996 What we did is, we put our heads together 407 00:36:47,288 --> 00:36:51,126 and we're gonna rip off the Arab on the road during the car race. 408 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:55,922 You put your heads together, huh? It must have sounded Iike a bowling alley! 409 00:36:56,339 --> 00:37:00,135 Yes, Don Don. - We need millions of dollars by... what time is it now? 410 00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:02,345 Oh my God! By tomorrow! 411 00:37:02,846 --> 00:37:06,099 If we can get the sheik, we got the money. 412 00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:09,894 He wants us to rip off the Arab and then kidnap him. 413 00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:14,232 What for? - What for?! Ransom, you idiots! Ransom. 414 00:37:14,274 --> 00:37:16,401 R- A-N-S-u-M ! Ransom! 415 00:37:16,651 --> 00:37:19,571 understand , you imbeciles? - You got it. PIease calm yourself. 416 00:37:19,738 --> 00:37:21,740 Tell this to Hymie! - Okay, have a nice day. 417 00:38:07,869 --> 00:38:12,832 J .J., is that legal? Both of them? At the same time? 418 00:38:16,169 --> 00:38:19,923 J .J., you're bad. Hi Jill, Hi Marcie! 419 00:38:20,340 --> 00:38:22,509 Cute car! 420 00:38:23,343 --> 00:38:26,888 Imagine the stories J.J .'s making up about Iast night. 421 00:38:27,013 --> 00:38:31,392 He's driving poor Victor crazy. - Yeah. Poor Victor's buying every word of it. 422 00:38:31,768 --> 00:38:34,562 Well, what he doesn't know ain't gonna hurt us. - Never has. 423 00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:37,774 Let's check out our competition. - AIright. 424 00:38:39,734 --> 00:38:42,654 Well, you look great. You really do. You look real sexy! 425 00:38:42,821 --> 00:38:44,280 Sexy? 426 00:38:46,366 --> 00:38:51,037 You look.. . - And l look like a turd . - No, you don't. - J .J. , what am I supposed to be? 427 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,540 You're a career army man. 428 00:38:55,166 --> 00:38:57,502 Forty years in the army, the backbone of the army! 429 00:38:57,627 --> 00:38:59,587 Alright! - Alright. - Man. 430 00:39:00,255 --> 00:39:04,008 Wish I had a medal. - You want a medal? - Well, I'd Iike to have a medal. 431 00:39:04,759 --> 00:39:07,804 Take one. - Oh, no. - Take one, you're my friend. - I couldn't take 432 00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:11,140 one of your medals. I couldn't do it. - Take anyone you Iike. I Iove you . 433 00:39:11,266 --> 00:39:12,851 Okay. 434 00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:15,645 This is a nice one right here. - That one. - Thanks. 435 00:39:15,770 --> 00:39:17,897 Oh, this is really swell. 436 00:39:18,731 --> 00:39:21,734 The Congressional Medal of Honor. Thank you very much! 437 00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,487 That's really nice. 438 00:39:24,779 --> 00:39:29,993 Oh boy.. . Oh, and it's so shiny. I'm real glad. l love it. 439 00:39:30,118 --> 00:39:33,621 Oh, Iook, J.J . - Ah. - Good morning. - Good morning. 440 00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:37,542 General? Are you a General? General J.J . McCIure. 441 00:39:37,792 --> 00:39:40,795 Oh, you're a private. - National Guard. - Listen... 442 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,882 The Lord asks a favor and we ask a favor of you. 443 00:39:44,132 --> 00:39:48,303 We have an emergency in New York and it's very important that we get there. 444 00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:52,307 And we've Iost our means of transportation. - And our vows of poverty 445 00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:56,394 prevent us from traveling commercially. Could we go along with you? 446 00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:59,522 We only have 46 hours to get there, you see. Otherwise... 447 00:40:00,231 --> 00:40:02,775 ...the lepers might cause a panic. 448 00:40:03,234 --> 00:40:07,280 The lepers? - Yes. We treated Iepers on Molokai, 449 00:40:07,405 --> 00:40:10,533 and now several hundred of them have made their way East to the Big Apple. 450 00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:12,994 We'd like to continue treating them . - Oh... 451 00:40:13,244 --> 00:40:15,663 Oh, sure Sister, this is gonna be swell. - Excuse me. 452 00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:19,125 Excuse me. Just one minute. - What? - Come here. 453 00:40:19,918 --> 00:40:22,503 What? - How could you tell 'em "The Big Apple"?! 454 00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:26,841 The lepers? Big Apple? - Well , The Big Apple is New York, J .J. 455 00:40:27,008 --> 00:40:29,552 I know that. - And I didn't even know they had Iepers there. 456 00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:32,555 Listen to me. We can't take nuns along. - Oh please. - no! 457 00:40:32,639 --> 00:40:35,391 What, if we're driving along and l see a pretty girl hitchhiking? 458 00:40:35,558 --> 00:40:38,561 She wants to get in the car, a Iittle action? And we got nuns along? 459 00:40:38,645 --> 00:40:41,856 I'm good, but I'm not that good. - Listen, if we take these nuns 460 00:40:41,981 --> 00:40:44,233 I bet that God will be our co-pilot. 461 00:40:44,484 --> 00:40:45,652 Well... 462 00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:51,908 Why not? - Oh, J.J. 463 00:40:52,784 --> 00:40:56,245 You can come along. - Oh, bless you , my son. 464 00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:59,624 Oh, J.J . You'II get your reward in heaven. - l don't wanna wait that Iong. 465 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,504 Snappy bags, huh? - lt's purple for Lent. - Ah. Good. 466 00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:09,384 I should tell you something. When we're gonna be in the car, it'll be kind of cramped. 467 00:41:10,009 --> 00:41:13,054 It'll be alright? - Of course. - lt'll be alright. 468 00:41:14,013 --> 00:41:18,226 My Milly took a vow of chastity. She had headaches all the time. 469 00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:22,647 Well, well, well... 470 00:41:22,855 --> 00:41:27,485 Look who we have here. General Patton... and General Admission. 471 00:41:30,154 --> 00:41:34,283 Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops. Gotta arrest their minds for vagrancy. 472 00:41:34,742 --> 00:41:38,371 Any problems, officers? - Are you kidding, Ladies? 473 00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:42,542 I might as well tell you something. We tried it at the last race, dressed Iike priests. 474 00:41:42,667 --> 00:41:45,753 We didn't win. It didn't help us and it ain't gonna help you. 475 00:41:47,422 --> 00:41:50,883 Now, as a Iaw enforcement officer I exercise my rights 476 00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:55,179 to take these two young ladies and submit them to a very nice long 477 00:41:55,388 --> 00:41:58,766 and thorough body search. - Shame on you! - Listen. 478 00:41:59,017 --> 00:42:03,730 These are real nuns. This is not a Halloween party. Have a Iittle respect. 479 00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,775 I'm up to here with you. 480 00:42:25,334 --> 00:42:26,419 You're sick. 481 00:42:27,003 --> 00:42:30,423 Gather around, Iook this way. Fenderboom, Blake, J .J. , Victor... 482 00:42:31,591 --> 00:42:34,594 Fellow Cannonballers, give me your attention. 483 00:42:35,136 --> 00:42:37,597 Allah came to me one night and said: 484 00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:40,266 "Falafel, be a sport!" 485 00:42:40,641 --> 00:42:43,478 "Spread the wealth before Khomeini gets it all. " 486 00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:48,733 Please, please.. . The important thing to know is 487 00:42:49,317 --> 00:42:56,240 that l personally am donating the purse of $1 million to the winner! 488 00:43:05,249 --> 00:43:10,379 Remember the golden rule: He who has the gold makes the ruIes. 489 00:43:10,671 --> 00:43:12,799 I go first. 490 00:43:14,801 --> 00:43:18,429 General, will this trip be dangerous? - Oh, I don't think dangerous, Sister. 491 00:43:18,554 --> 00:43:21,057 Maybe exciting, but... 492 00:43:23,601 --> 00:43:26,813 Hello everyone. .. Good to see you again. 493 00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:31,818 J .J., l shall endeavor to get you the win. Throw the Iittle nuns in the car... 494 00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:34,779 ...and Iet's be off! - Does your friend have an identity problem? 495 00:43:35,488 --> 00:43:37,865 No problem and no time, Sister. 496 00:43:39,283 --> 00:43:42,495 General, you should be in the back. Sister Betty, up front with me. 497 00:43:42,745 --> 00:43:44,413 Boy-nun, boy-nun. 498 00:43:46,415 --> 00:43:49,335 Isn't he adorable? - l heard that. 499 00:43:52,255 --> 00:43:54,006 The jury's still out on that. 500 00:43:54,423 --> 00:43:59,178 Here is to good luck. May it all be mine! 501 00:45:40,988 --> 00:45:43,658 I don't understand this, Tony. 502 00:45:44,033 --> 00:45:48,246 For the Iast time: I hit the back of the Arab's car, 503 00:45:48,788 --> 00:45:52,250 push a button, presto. These things clamp onto the bumper. 504 00:45:52,833 --> 00:45:56,671 Then I step on the brakes. We stop, get out of the car, 505 00:45:56,796 --> 00:46:00,800 and snatch him.. . Now do you understand? 506 00:46:03,386 --> 00:46:04,804 Yeah... 507 00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:28,744 Attention: Smokey in pursuit. - O-oh, trouble. 508 00:46:31,998 --> 00:46:35,751 Well, do something high-tech. - Smokey. .. gaining. 509 00:46:38,504 --> 00:46:40,298 Afterburner.. . ready. 510 00:46:51,309 --> 00:46:54,103 Boy, that's what l call a high-tech! 511 00:47:00,985 --> 00:47:05,906 Here they come. - Still seems complicated, Tony. 512 00:47:06,282 --> 00:47:10,661 It's a piece of cake. l just speed up and l get to his back bumper. 513 00:47:11,037 --> 00:47:12,997 Here we go. Get ready. Easing up. 514 00:47:13,372 --> 00:47:15,833 Now don't blow it. Just hit the button. 515 00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:20,129 Easing up. Easing up. Now! Now! 516 00:47:20,921 --> 00:47:25,009 You're not holding the wheel steady, Tony. - Hey, you wanna drive? 517 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:27,178 Hit it! 518 00:47:29,347 --> 00:47:33,225 Nothing can separate us now. Nothing! - Nothing! 519 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:45,237 Maybe it only works on American cars, eh Tony? 520 00:47:58,542 --> 00:48:00,586 Oh, how sweet. 521 00:48:17,311 --> 00:48:19,397 Can I help you, ma'am? 522 00:48:21,649 --> 00:48:25,277 Tony, are you sure about this? - Stop complaining! 523 00:48:25,403 --> 00:48:29,698 Statistics proof flying is safer than driving. - ls that right? 524 00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:38,916 Sideward and rearward maneuvering is accomplished by... 525 00:48:40,167 --> 00:48:43,629 Oh, am I mad at you! You told me you could fly this thing. 526 00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,882 We almost got killed three times already! 527 00:48:49,802 --> 00:48:53,681 Will you shut up an read the instructions?! Or we'II be killed for the last time! 528 00:48:53,806 --> 00:48:56,934 You're getting me crazy. This thing can not fly by itself! 529 00:49:14,535 --> 00:49:18,122 We're Ieveling out! - AIright, so we didn't crash. 530 00:49:18,205 --> 00:49:21,792 Now, explain to me about the magnet on the helicopter. - Why? 531 00:49:21,917 --> 00:49:26,380 This scheme is too complicated for me. - The alphabet is too complicated for you! 532 00:49:26,505 --> 00:49:31,218 It's simple: this magnet is powertuI enough to pick a Brinks truck right off the street. 533 00:49:31,510 --> 00:49:33,804 Oh, a Brinks truck, huh? 534 00:49:38,058 --> 00:49:42,313 Aren't we going above the speed Iimit? - Yes, 11 0, Sister Betty. 535 00:49:45,316 --> 00:49:48,319 Oh, this is exciting! - Are you blessing my leg? 536 00:49:49,445 --> 00:49:50,654 Yeah. 537 00:49:53,866 --> 00:49:56,160 Keep blessing, Sister! 538 00:50:00,456 --> 00:50:04,126 We just passed this police car. - That's alright. We pass 'em all the time. 539 00:50:04,585 --> 00:50:09,173 Sarge, are we doin' 60? - Yeah, we sure are! 540 00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:13,093 Did they just pass us like we were standing still? - Let me tell you what to do, son. 541 00:50:13,469 --> 00:50:18,349 Buckle up. You're taking part in your first high-speed pursuit and capture! 542 00:50:20,893 --> 00:50:25,814 It's following us. The police car's following us. - Probably recognized me. 543 00:50:33,072 --> 00:50:36,116 What? - I mean, it's not my life style. 544 00:50:36,242 --> 00:50:37,701 I don't. . . - No, you're fine. 545 00:50:40,371 --> 00:50:44,333 You're shaking. I'll hold your hand. - Oh, thank you, thank you. 546 00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:47,711 Oh, they're so warm. - J.J. is the warmest! 547 00:50:48,087 --> 00:50:52,591 Sister Betty, he has such warm skin! - He has such warm skin? 548 00:50:53,133 --> 00:50:55,177 You should feel the heater up here. 549 00:50:57,179 --> 00:51:00,641 Noticed how I took that Iast curve? High and wide, straight through the apex. 550 00:51:00,724 --> 00:51:03,561 Pick up about 1 5 mph more coming out. 551 00:51:21,996 --> 00:51:24,415 What are you writin'? - The accident report. 552 00:51:28,627 --> 00:51:29,587 Damn! 553 00:51:35,593 --> 00:51:39,847 Here's your sandwich, Your Highness. - You'd better not, Your Royalship. 554 00:51:40,014 --> 00:51:43,392 That salami will kick the shit out of your ulcer! 555 00:51:47,229 --> 00:51:51,275 Wait, wait. There's the Rolls! - Ha! Good. 556 00:51:55,404 --> 00:51:59,491 This flyin' is a piece of cake! - Now that we found 'em , what do we do? 557 00:51:59,992 --> 00:52:03,996 Are you kidding? I just sneak up behind 'em. They probably won't even know I'm there. 558 00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:06,999 Then, at the right second: Zappo! We snatch 'em. 559 00:52:07,082 --> 00:52:09,501 Oh! Smart! 560 00:52:09,668 --> 00:52:14,298 Why did l ever doubt you Tony? I'm too dumb to question smart people. 561 00:52:14,673 --> 00:52:16,800 This is true. 562 00:52:17,259 --> 00:52:20,387 Tony, don't you think you're too low? - That's a negative. 563 00:52:21,305 --> 00:52:24,642 It Iooks a Iittle Iow, Tony. - l can see it through the window, okay? 564 00:52:27,728 --> 00:52:30,272 A little bit to the left. 565 00:52:31,023 --> 00:52:34,485 A little more to the left. - How did you get here? The Tooth Fairy? 566 00:52:34,610 --> 00:52:38,155 I flew you here, shmuck! - Now, down a little. 567 00:52:38,489 --> 00:52:41,492 Hit the button on the magnet! 568 00:52:41,784 --> 00:52:44,995 I Iove being a gangster! 569 00:52:47,748 --> 00:52:52,503 We're on like glue. Nothing, nothing could separate us now. Nothing! 570 00:52:54,755 --> 00:52:57,257 up, up and away! - up, up and away. 571 00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:01,136 Listen! 572 00:53:01,261 --> 00:53:04,682 up, up and awaaay... 573 00:53:08,102 --> 00:53:11,230 I don't know why it ain't workin'. - Could be the fan belt. 574 00:53:12,815 --> 00:53:16,360 Maybe it don't work on nothin' but Brinks trucks. 575 00:53:16,652 --> 00:53:22,241 Don't worry about it. I'II have it all figured out in a second . 576 00:53:22,991 --> 00:53:25,160 Tony, is your seat belt on? 577 00:53:51,645 --> 00:53:56,400 Hep. Eatin' time! You feed him, and.. . l'II drive. 578 00:53:56,525 --> 00:53:59,361 No, no, no. It's your turn. You feed him. Come on! 579 00:54:02,573 --> 00:54:04,283 Here you go. Oh... 580 00:54:05,868 --> 00:54:11,415 Son-of-a-bitch! That son-of-a-bitch is crazy! He's got a mental case... 581 00:54:26,054 --> 00:54:30,017 Corporal. - Yes, Sir. - You're driving well. - Thank you, Sir. 582 00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:35,606 Sister Betty? You know, I was raised a Catholic and I'm really interested. 583 00:54:35,731 --> 00:54:39,234 Could you tell us more about the Order of the Immaculate Charity? 584 00:54:39,610 --> 00:54:42,029 Chastity. - Chastity! 585 00:54:42,112 --> 00:54:44,490 He always get those words mixed up. 586 00:54:45,616 --> 00:54:48,786 Well. . . I think it's time for us to get some sleep. 587 00:54:49,036 --> 00:54:53,248 Oh sure. Good. - So if you just excuse us, we'd like to have a little privacy. - Sure. 588 00:54:53,665 --> 00:54:57,544 Go ahead, there's... Just put that. .. - Good night. - Good night. 589 00:55:04,176 --> 00:55:08,013 Hey, am I crazy? Or are those the friendliest nuns you've ever seen? 590 00:55:08,263 --> 00:55:11,016 Isn't Sister Betty cute? - Ahh. I'd... 591 00:55:12,309 --> 00:55:14,728 I'd Iike to jump her bones. 592 00:55:15,020 --> 00:55:18,982 J .J., bite your tongue! - Can't help it. I'm sorry. - Aren't you ashamed? 593 00:55:19,024 --> 00:55:22,486 I would! - Oh my goodness! Why wouId you say such a... 594 00:55:27,616 --> 00:55:29,618 That's sacrilegious! - These are human beings. 595 00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:32,996 And I'd be very interested to know how you make out. - Huh? 596 00:55:33,622 --> 00:55:36,124 'Cause I been thinking about getting into Sister Betty's pants. 597 00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:45,092 Oh God, forgive me... 598 00:55:59,606 --> 00:56:02,651 Morning officer! nice day, isn't it? 599 00:56:02,860 --> 00:56:06,071 Get out of the road, fat boy, before you get run over. Come on. - Okay. 600 00:56:10,576 --> 00:56:12,911 Good morning! - Goddamn! A General! 601 00:56:14,580 --> 00:56:18,792 Now, what seems to be the problem , officer? - We have speed Iimits in this here state. 602 00:56:19,418 --> 00:56:22,337 Even in a nuclear emergency? - What emergency? 603 00:56:23,088 --> 00:56:26,758 We can't talk about it, officer. - Let me see your driver's license. - no! 604 00:56:27,092 --> 00:56:29,845 I have radioactive breath. 605 00:56:31,179 --> 00:56:34,641 What are you boys trying to puII? - There has been a nuclear meltdown. 606 00:56:35,017 --> 00:56:37,728 We're taking some contaminated material to Connecticut. 607 00:56:37,811 --> 00:56:40,480 Why Connecticut? 608 00:56:41,523 --> 00:56:43,317 They ran out. 609 00:56:44,067 --> 00:56:45,819 BuIIshit! 610 00:56:47,112 --> 00:56:49,990 Hey, uncle Hinky! - Homer! My nephew. 611 00:56:50,282 --> 00:56:53,493 We'II wait for you, Homer. - Thanks, Sir. - How you're doin', Homer? 612 00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:56,246 Goddamn, I didn't know you was coming home! - Private! 613 00:56:58,582 --> 00:57:00,542 Yes Sir, General! 614 00:57:00,751 --> 00:57:04,296 What are you doing here, son? - Well , I had a 3-day pass to come home. 615 00:57:04,379 --> 00:57:07,925 It's the first one I had in two years. - l'm gonna commandeer you 616 00:57:08,050 --> 00:57:11,261 to drive this car to Connecticut. Get in the car, son. - Yes, Sir! 617 00:57:11,345 --> 00:57:14,932 Hold it! Ain't nobody goin' no place till l phoned this here in! 618 00:57:15,182 --> 00:57:19,561 uncle Hinky, l gotta do what he says. He got more medals than all at the base together. 619 00:57:19,728 --> 00:57:22,356 It don't make no difference. I phone it in anyway. 620 00:57:24,483 --> 00:57:27,319 Good morning, officer. - Sweet Jesus! 621 00:57:27,653 --> 00:57:30,030 General, why are we stopping? - l'm sorry, Sister. 622 00:57:30,155 --> 00:57:32,991 I was just explaining to the sheriff the purpose of my mission. 623 00:57:33,617 --> 00:57:37,120 You carry nuns with you? - ln case we don't... 624 00:57:37,245 --> 00:57:39,748 ...make it, you know? - Oh, really? 625 00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:43,585 There's a higher purpose involved, officer. Only the Lord knows what it is. 626 00:57:44,336 --> 00:57:47,756 The safety of our nation depends on the speed of our mission. 627 00:57:48,590 --> 00:57:50,759 Wow! Praise the Lord! 628 00:57:50,842 --> 00:57:55,389 Well, in that case l'II give you a police escort all the way to the county Iine. 629 00:57:55,514 --> 00:57:57,140 Bless you. - Sheriff... 630 00:57:57,265 --> 00:58:00,102 I just want you to know something: America needs your help! 631 00:58:00,227 --> 00:58:03,981 There are two communists disguised as policemen chasing us in a red Corvette. 632 00:58:04,398 --> 00:58:06,858 Commies! - no shit? 633 00:58:07,609 --> 00:58:09,611 No shit. 634 00:58:11,029 --> 00:58:14,574 Now, don't go arguing with me! I've got it straight from the General! 635 00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:18,745 There are two communists dressed up as policemen in a red Corvette... 636 00:58:18,829 --> 00:58:21,832 ...trying to steal our nuclear shit! Shoot 'em! 637 00:58:21,999 --> 00:58:25,293 The fate of the country depends on it, do you hear me? 638 00:58:27,671 --> 00:58:31,008 Headpuarters, this is units ? and 5 eastbound on Highway 1 0. 639 00:58:31,258 --> 00:58:33,927 We got those commies in our sights. - Commies? 640 00:58:34,761 --> 00:58:37,931 Now, l been called a lot of things but I ain't never been called no commie. 641 00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:44,479 I ain't even a Democrat. - You can inform the General they're as good as caught. 642 00:58:46,648 --> 00:58:48,567 The General. .. General!? 643 00:58:50,027 --> 00:58:53,989 J .J! That son-of-a-bitch! 644 00:59:03,874 --> 00:59:07,044 Good, BIake. But not good enough! 645 00:59:07,127 --> 00:59:10,922 This is ? and 5 again. We're now westbound on Highway 1 0. 646 00:59:11,006 --> 00:59:14,426 This is the Captain. I want those two foreigners brought in. 647 00:59:15,052 --> 00:59:17,846 Dead or alive. - Don't you worry about it. 648 00:59:18,013 --> 00:59:21,141 You know what I'm gonna do? - What? - l'm gonna turn this car around 649 00:59:21,266 --> 00:59:25,020 and l am gonna block the whole highway sideways. 650 00:59:25,145 --> 00:59:28,732 And when they come they have a choice: either to ditch it 651 00:59:28,982 --> 00:59:31,735 or ram right straight into us! 652 00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:36,490 Just ditch it or. . . ram straight into us? - Yeah! 653 00:59:53,757 --> 00:59:57,511 Get outta here with these bananas! I don't want the bananas! 654 00:59:59,179 --> 01:00:02,516 This is humiliating as hell... er. . . sittin' up here! 655 01:00:02,641 --> 01:00:08,063 Well, it's no picnic being back here! Wacked-out monkey! 656 01:00:10,732 --> 01:00:13,026 Stop it! Well, keep your hands off me, monkey! 657 01:00:22,661 --> 01:00:25,413 What are you doing up here? - Man, it's safer. 658 01:00:27,124 --> 01:00:29,167 Well, who's drivin'? - He is. 659 01:00:41,304 --> 01:00:45,976 Would you boys Iike to stay for dinner? I just made noodle soup. 660 01:00:55,068 --> 01:00:58,113 Note, Blake. General Patton's car. 661 01:00:58,488 --> 01:01:00,907 Is the blimp driving? 662 01:01:00,991 --> 01:01:03,827 No. It's the General. 663 01:01:04,161 --> 01:01:06,246 The General, huh? Ha! 664 01:01:06,329 --> 01:01:10,041 Oh, I'm gonna make a private out of him! 665 01:01:17,841 --> 01:01:22,012 It's money in the bank. A million bucks! 666 01:01:26,892 --> 01:01:30,812 Oh, come on! It'II be a weekend you'll never forget. 667 01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:33,857 All three of us? - Yep. 668 01:01:34,774 --> 01:01:38,528 It's gonna be a weekend you can tell your kids about.. . if they're all boys. 669 01:01:39,070 --> 01:01:43,491 Look, you guys thrashed this gull-wing out. I didn't even pay for that one yet. 670 01:01:43,617 --> 01:01:47,495 Listen, baby. We're gonna be as gentle with that car as we're gonna be with you. 671 01:01:47,746 --> 01:01:50,332 Real sound. Come on, what you say? 672 01:01:54,419 --> 01:01:56,254 Okay. - Alright. - Okay. 673 01:01:56,421 --> 01:02:01,009 The keys are in the car, but hurry back. My friends aren't gonna believe this! 674 01:02:01,426 --> 01:02:03,887 Know what? You just bring them too. - Really? 675 01:02:04,095 --> 01:02:06,181 Sure. And don't forget your camera. 676 01:02:06,598 --> 01:02:08,391 Really? 677 01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:17,734 You got a fuII tank of gas in here? - PIease, be careful with it. PIease! 678 01:02:19,361 --> 01:02:21,238 (I'II be real gentle) 679 01:02:51,768 --> 01:02:54,271 What do you want, Ching-Chong man? 680 01:03:03,989 --> 01:03:07,492 Help? Gee, there's only a dozen of 'em . By the way, can you split that for me? 681 01:03:10,745 --> 01:03:12,247 Thank you. 682 01:03:31,016 --> 01:03:32,767 I'II be there in a minute! 683 01:03:56,374 --> 01:04:01,254 That was wondertul. You're great. Can you stay for dinner and meet my parents? 684 01:04:03,506 --> 01:04:06,134 That was so great! What's your name? 685 01:04:07,260 --> 01:04:10,263 Hey, we got a race to finish. A million bucks! 686 01:04:12,766 --> 01:04:14,517 He can stay for dinner, too! 687 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,024 Dammit! The race is gonna be over, if they don't get their buns out here soon. 688 01:04:25,236 --> 01:04:28,156 Golly! They changed their clothes. 689 01:04:30,742 --> 01:04:34,079 You think we've gone too far? - Probably. 690 01:04:36,623 --> 01:04:39,000 Let's go for it. 691 01:04:39,250 --> 01:04:42,796 You know, General? I bet this mission is so secret you had 'em do this 692 01:04:42,921 --> 01:04:45,340 so Russian spies wouldn't recognize 'em. 693 01:04:53,056 --> 01:04:55,517 We got a six-pack and some chilli-dogs for the trip. 694 01:04:56,976 --> 01:05:00,230 I got one for you and on for... "him". 695 01:05:12,617 --> 01:05:15,286 You've adapted to civilian life very well. 696 01:05:18,998 --> 01:05:23,503 Oh my God! Private. . . Walk this way. 697 01:05:26,339 --> 01:05:28,299 Nuns, huh? 698 01:05:31,261 --> 01:05:35,014 Get in the car. - Yes, General. 699 01:05:55,410 --> 01:05:59,372 Put that away! You ain't gonna use it! 700 01:06:05,003 --> 01:06:07,338 To your right, Highness. To your right. 701 01:06:09,632 --> 01:06:13,303 As soon as this cable rips up the Rolls... 702 01:06:13,887 --> 01:06:16,681 ...you grab the money. . . - l grab the money? 703 01:06:16,806 --> 01:06:19,350 ...and I grab the sheik or what's left of 'em... 704 01:06:19,642 --> 01:06:21,895 ...and we head back to Vegas. - Vegas?! 705 01:06:24,105 --> 01:06:27,066 Prince Falafel! Buy what? 706 01:06:28,818 --> 01:06:31,070 Nimitz? What's a Nimitz? 707 01:06:32,655 --> 01:06:35,241 The u .S.S. nimitz, ah! 708 01:06:35,325 --> 01:06:38,995 I want to buy it! I want to Iand my 747s on it! 709 01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:43,166 I don't care what it costs. How much? 710 01:06:43,416 --> 01:06:46,920 Feelin' better now, aren't you? - l can't hear you! Talk Iouder! 711 01:06:47,045 --> 01:06:50,632 I said, you're feeling better now, aren't you?! - Yes, a thousand thanks! 712 01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:53,343 No problem! Buy! - Bye. 713 01:07:04,646 --> 01:07:07,023 Tighten it up, they're coming! - l tighten it! - Tighter! 714 01:07:07,774 --> 01:07:10,485 Come. Hurry. Here it comes! 715 01:07:27,168 --> 01:07:30,296 Well yeah, you get what you pay for. - Oh, dammit! 716 01:07:30,755 --> 01:07:33,341 What now? - l don't know! 717 01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:38,346 Well, get out and start smiling. - Yeah, right. 718 01:07:53,611 --> 01:07:55,989 Don't blame me! I didn't do nothin'! 719 01:07:57,115 --> 01:07:58,992 Me neither. I'm just followin' orders. 720 01:08:12,755 --> 01:08:17,010 We were turning about 6 grand when the gages lit up like a pinball machine. 721 01:08:17,427 --> 01:08:20,305 Yeah, so we propped the hood and there's oil leaking. 722 01:08:21,556 --> 01:08:26,477 Right here. - Does it Iook bad? - Not from where I'm standing. 723 01:08:26,769 --> 01:08:31,399 Oh, can you fix it then? - Honey, I got a tool that'll fix anything! 724 01:08:33,484 --> 01:08:35,236 Oh, yeah? 725 01:08:49,083 --> 01:08:52,128 Hey, sugar? - Yeah? - What have you got under the hood? 726 01:08:52,587 --> 01:08:56,007 Alright. That's a 454, four on the floor. 727 01:08:56,674 --> 01:09:00,386 Full house, with a blower. - Yeah? - She's a sweetheart, isn't she? 728 01:09:04,057 --> 01:09:06,476 It sure is hot out here, ain't it? 729 01:09:06,976 --> 01:09:09,979 Yeah, it really is. 730 01:09:14,067 --> 01:09:17,737 Why don't you relax, sugar? Everything's gonna be just fine! 731 01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:21,032 I don't think my boss wanted this to do 1 20 mph. 732 01:09:21,783 --> 01:09:26,329 Well, it's doin' it! - Come on, Iisten. Why don't you just take me back and... 733 01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:29,749 My. .. Just take me back to my boss. . . Oh jeez, am l gonna get it! 734 01:09:36,255 --> 01:09:39,634 What the heck! It's only a job. Let's go! 735 01:09:40,677 --> 01:09:43,262 And it's gonna be a weekend you'Il never forget. 736 01:09:52,105 --> 01:09:56,275 Attention. . . Smokie in pursuit. Attention. . . Smokie in... 737 01:09:56,359 --> 01:09:58,361 Battle stations! 738 01:09:59,821 --> 01:10:02,490 Afterburner. - Roger! 739 01:10:04,158 --> 01:10:07,412 Afterburner ready... 3, ?, 1 ... 740 01:10:07,495 --> 01:10:09,372 Ignition! 741 01:10:19,757 --> 01:10:22,510 Turn it off! -? - Turn it off! 742 01:10:24,262 --> 01:10:27,140 Prepare to crash dive! 743 01:10:42,822 --> 01:10:45,032 We just Iost it. 744 01:11:02,633 --> 01:11:05,261 Look, beer cans! - underwear? 745 01:11:05,511 --> 01:11:08,639 Now Iet's give 'em the oil slick. - Yes, man. 746 01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:16,731 Oil slick.. . Sorry, fellas. 747 01:11:17,356 --> 01:11:20,651 We're just doin' our job. - Yes, sorry. 748 01:11:22,028 --> 01:11:24,322 Attention. . . enemy astern. 749 01:11:24,655 --> 01:11:27,992 Let's see what's happening. up the scope. - Okay. 750 01:11:45,092 --> 01:11:48,596 Quiet, please. - Stand by for depth charge attack. 751 01:11:58,356 --> 01:12:02,276 Come on. Catch one. Pay attention! - We've been coming here for five years! 752 01:12:02,401 --> 01:12:06,239 Five years! - Without a fish. - A big one's out there for you, boys. - You're sure? 753 01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:10,618 Darn right! I saw him jump the other day. I took a picture, while it was in the air. 754 01:12:11,244 --> 01:12:13,621 Picture weighed 1 3 and a half pounds! 755 01:12:14,664 --> 01:12:16,999 I really don't like this guy! 756 01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:27,677 Forward all engines. 757 01:12:45,862 --> 01:12:48,489 Come on, just pay attention to what you're doing. 758 01:12:54,912 --> 01:12:57,164 All ahead full. 759 01:13:01,252 --> 01:13:03,004 Let him go! - no! 760 01:13:03,254 --> 01:13:06,382 We've caught ourselves a Moby Dick! 761 01:13:07,258 --> 01:13:09,427 God damn, we're going with him! 762 01:13:16,851 --> 01:13:21,480 And you haven't seen your family in 2 years? - No, but l'm not complaining. Duty calls. 763 01:13:22,481 --> 01:13:25,985 General? - What? - How Iong do you think the national emergency 764 01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:29,030 will repuire the services of Pvt. Lyle here, Sir? 765 01:13:30,031 --> 01:13:32,742 I don't know. - He hasn't seen his family in ? years. 766 01:13:32,992 --> 01:13:39,290 J .J., that is not nice. Truly isn't. - A General's work is never done. 767 01:13:39,999 --> 01:13:44,003 Private. - Yes, Sir. - l've checked the Geiger counter 768 01:13:44,670 --> 01:13:49,759 and the radioactivity seems to be dropping. I don't think we need your services anymore. 769 01:13:50,259 --> 01:13:52,762 Yes, Sir. - PuII over. - Yes, Sir. 770 01:14:14,659 --> 01:14:18,079 Pvt. Lyle, you've rendered a great service to this country. 771 01:14:18,537 --> 01:14:22,166 You make me proud to be in the same army with a man with your character. 772 01:14:23,751 --> 01:14:26,754 I'd Iike to present you with the Congressional Medal of Honor. 773 01:14:28,881 --> 01:14:33,177 This Congressional Medal of Honor? - That Congressional Medal of Honor. 774 01:14:43,062 --> 01:14:45,398 That's French. - l know. 775 01:14:46,273 --> 01:14:49,527 General, for the Iast 20 years while l was working in the motor pool 776 01:14:49,610 --> 01:14:52,905 I always knew the Good Lord's gonna give me a chance to come on a special mission 777 01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:55,783 like this, to serve my country. 778 01:15:08,879 --> 01:15:10,923 Bye, Lyle. 779 01:15:31,068 --> 01:15:34,030 And that's all you have to do, honey. - Boy, am l sick! 780 01:15:34,238 --> 01:15:38,492 I ain't never gonna fly with you again! - Will you shut up and read the instructs 781 01:15:38,534 --> 01:15:41,412 and tell me what it says about Ianding this thing? 782 01:15:43,748 --> 01:15:47,001 It says: Iower the flaps. - Okay, then do it, puickly! 783 01:15:47,126 --> 01:15:50,046 Where are they? - under "F", you idiot! 784 01:15:50,254 --> 01:15:53,257 Well, Iet's see. There's a "T" for tabs. ls that any good? 785 01:15:53,299 --> 01:15:58,012 Fantastic! PuII it! - Pull what? - Anything, dummy! - Okay, Tony! 786 01:16:16,989 --> 01:16:20,284 To Iook sharp... 787 01:16:20,493 --> 01:16:23,245 To feel sharp... 788 01:16:23,412 --> 01:16:25,831 I Iike this song so much, I bought the company. 789 01:16:30,002 --> 01:16:33,339 I don't know why everybody makes such a big deal about flying. It's a piece of cake. 790 01:16:33,672 --> 01:16:38,135 This better work, Tony. I just called Don Don, and he's really mad. 791 01:16:39,178 --> 01:16:41,388 Caesar, Caesar... 792 01:16:42,014 --> 01:16:46,352 Simplicity is the hallmark of genius. This cannot miss. 793 01:16:46,977 --> 01:16:48,479 Yeah? 794 01:16:49,355 --> 01:16:51,982 Relax, alright? 795 01:16:56,362 --> 01:16:59,490 Damn ulcer's killing me. You got anything for it? 796 01:17:00,658 --> 01:17:03,786 Charlotte russe. How delightfuI. 797 01:17:05,538 --> 01:17:10,084 Not exactly the Maxim's, but my compliments to the chef. 798 01:17:24,515 --> 01:17:26,517 A thousand pardons! 799 01:17:27,101 --> 01:17:33,023 I couIdn't help noticing. Obviously you are a damsel in distress. 800 01:17:34,066 --> 01:17:39,530 May I be of service to you? I am the great Prince Abdul-ben Falafel, 801 01:17:39,822 --> 01:17:43,409 master of all deserts, Prince of princes, 802 01:17:44,243 --> 01:17:47,246 and one of the world's biggest.. . - Yoyos. 803 01:17:47,496 --> 01:17:50,166 How dare you put a gun to my head! 804 01:17:53,169 --> 01:17:56,589 As I was saying, do you come here often? 805 01:18:01,927 --> 01:18:05,431 I wish you guys wouId have seen us change in the bathroom , making this decision. 806 01:18:05,514 --> 01:18:09,977 Know, what she wanted to do? To put the nun's habit on and the shorts underneath. 807 01:18:10,728 --> 01:18:13,314 And she thought you wouldn't notice. - l will notice. 808 01:18:13,564 --> 01:18:17,735 Well, I just didn't want you to be upset when you found out l wasn't a nun. 809 01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:21,989 You're not? 810 01:18:23,741 --> 01:18:28,329 I'm not even a Catholic. - Well, nobody's perfect. 811 01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:33,751 May I? - Oh, I been waitin' for this. 812 01:18:46,764 --> 01:18:49,892 Sure hate to give the chauffeur a ticket. - Yeah, it's always the jerk in back 813 01:18:50,017 --> 01:18:52,895 giving the orders. - Yeah. 814 01:18:55,606 --> 01:18:57,358 Pardon me, Sir, we're... 815 01:19:05,824 --> 01:19:09,245 You know what that is, back there? - Damn right! It's a chimp! 816 01:19:09,870 --> 01:19:13,749 Listen to me. See that dark glass? Don't Iook! 817 01:19:14,250 --> 01:19:16,919 You know who's behind that glass filming us? 818 01:19:17,127 --> 01:19:19,755 Allen Funt. We're on "Candid Camera"! 819 01:19:20,005 --> 01:19:22,258 Come on, it's our chance! Come on! 820 01:19:23,550 --> 01:19:26,387 Stand right here so they can see you . Stand right here. 821 01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:30,015 Pardon me, Sir. I'd Iike to see your Iicense... 822 01:19:35,562 --> 01:19:39,149 Oh God, I wonder what the penalty is for assaulting a police officer. 823 01:19:39,858 --> 01:19:42,611 He's not gonna make a monkey out of me! 824 01:19:43,654 --> 01:19:45,572 You're okay? Don't make him mad! 825 01:19:51,578 --> 01:19:55,749 I'm gonna say hello to my mom. I just wondered if l couId say hello to my mother? 826 01:20:01,046 --> 01:20:04,341 This is working great. Let's go sing. Come on, before they go. 827 01:20:05,426 --> 01:20:10,556 By the light of the silvery moon... 828 01:20:12,016 --> 01:20:14,310 Let's get the hell outta here! 829 01:20:16,061 --> 01:20:20,482 Hey, Mr. Funt! Aren't we supposed to sign a release? - Oh, shut up! 830 01:20:25,779 --> 01:20:29,408 Oh, Iisten! Look! Hold it! Look, Cannonballers ahead of us! 831 01:20:39,084 --> 01:20:41,253 Alright, what the hell happened? 832 01:20:41,503 --> 01:20:46,759 Hm, Sir. l was eating my dessert when suddenly I saw one of the cat people. 833 01:20:47,134 --> 01:20:49,636 BeautifuI body was. . . - Now, we have a slight problem. 834 01:20:50,137 --> 01:20:53,390 Two hoods. They parted with the Sheik and the money. 835 01:20:53,640 --> 01:20:57,102 How that happen? - She was hitchhiking in a Ieopard coat and as we approached 836 01:20:57,269 --> 01:20:59,772 she flashed and we stopped. 837 01:21:05,903 --> 01:21:09,156 He's right. Who else knew the million was in the Sheik's trunk? 838 01:21:19,249 --> 01:21:23,754 I think you two guys have got something to tell us, right? - Right. 839 01:21:26,507 --> 01:21:29,259 J .J, let me explain to you as briefly as I can. 840 01:21:29,676 --> 01:21:34,556 Here's what happened. We owed the guys in Vegas a little chump change. nothing really. 841 01:21:34,807 --> 01:21:37,726 So they sent down some torpedoes to collect. 842 01:21:39,603 --> 01:21:43,649 And you told 'em about the Sheik. - lt was tell 'em or else. 843 01:21:43,982 --> 01:21:48,112 Who were these guys? - The Cannelloni family from Las Vegas. 844 01:21:48,237 --> 01:21:52,032 Well, hell. Let's just go get these guys. - We can't just go get these guys! 845 01:21:52,157 --> 01:21:56,745 Why? - They hold up at the Pinto Ranch, and that's guarded like Fort Knox. 846 01:21:56,787 --> 01:21:59,373 Wait a minute. Maybe "him" can get through. 847 01:21:59,581 --> 01:22:04,086 Maybe "him" can get "himself" killed and take you with "him". 848 01:22:04,795 --> 01:22:08,424 "Him" is open for other suggestions. - What's happening? What's going on here? 849 01:22:08,841 --> 01:22:14,680 Gaped at her naked body glistening in the hot sun and her sweet sweat rolling down... 850 01:22:15,305 --> 01:22:18,809 Hey, wait a minute. We'II go to the King. 851 01:22:19,268 --> 01:22:21,645 No, no. The Sheik's father hates him. 852 01:22:22,062 --> 01:22:25,983 Hey, he's not the only king. We have royalty in this country, too. 853 01:22:26,859 --> 01:22:29,111 He'II see you guys. 854 01:22:42,249 --> 01:22:44,418 Sit on this. 855 01:22:46,336 --> 01:22:51,008 How did you enjoy the Halloween party? - What a guy he is. - What a guy! 856 01:22:52,259 --> 01:22:57,139 Alright. How much this time? - Frank, you know. lt's never for ourselves. 857 01:22:59,516 --> 01:23:03,061 Not this time, Frank. - And who asked you to sit down? Get up! 858 01:23:06,565 --> 01:23:08,817 Mr. Sinatra. .. - You may call me Frank. 859 01:23:09,526 --> 01:23:12,237 I can call him Frank. - Not yet. 860 01:23:12,404 --> 01:23:15,866 I'II let you know when you can. Not exactly now, but I'll let you know. 861 01:23:15,991 --> 01:23:18,410 What can I call you? - Call me Sir. 862 01:23:19,369 --> 01:23:25,042 Call him Sir. - l got it. Sir... We are Cannonballers. 863 01:23:25,667 --> 01:23:27,836 What? - Cannonballers. 864 01:23:29,379 --> 01:23:31,340 Oh, wait a minute... 865 01:23:31,757 --> 01:23:34,259 I've been lonely as much as you have, from time to time. 866 01:23:34,885 --> 01:23:39,264 Come on. - That's a hot one, Your Majesty. Sir. 867 01:23:40,098 --> 01:23:43,268 You see, the Cannonball is a race from California to Connecticut. 868 01:23:43,352 --> 01:23:46,980 We have lots of fun. But the Sheik. . . - Sheik? - Yes. 869 01:23:47,231 --> 01:23:50,651 With the blue Rolls Royce. - Who is he? Did I ever sing for him in London, you think? 870 01:23:50,817 --> 01:23:53,487 We can't even pronounce his name. You see, they kidnapped him 871 01:23:53,570 --> 01:23:57,032 and they took $1 million out of the trunk of his car. That's why we came to you. 872 01:23:57,783 --> 01:24:02,162 Why come to me? Why don't you go to the FBl? - Who taught the FBI? 873 01:24:05,582 --> 01:24:08,085 Okay, alright. Who snatched him? 874 01:24:08,418 --> 01:24:10,629 Oh, the Cannellonis. 875 01:24:13,090 --> 01:24:15,008 I got an idea. 876 01:24:15,133 --> 01:24:19,137 I got a trio that I use in my act and this bum's been trying to steal it for months. 877 01:24:22,432 --> 01:24:24,768 Dorothy, get me Don Don. 878 01:24:28,063 --> 01:24:31,567 They must be terrific for Frank to recommend them personally. 879 01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:35,654 I guarantee you have never seen anything Iike this in your whole... 880 01:24:35,779 --> 01:24:38,407 I'm not saying this, just because l'm their agent. 881 01:24:38,740 --> 01:24:43,120 You know, I just love auditioning new talent. I get all excited . 882 01:25:18,071 --> 01:25:21,867 Come on, what's the matter? - They are a Iittle short on Iooks. 883 01:25:22,075 --> 01:25:25,662 But didn't you notice the nice unison? The way they dance? 884 01:25:41,595 --> 01:25:43,639 They're fabuIous. 885 01:26:13,293 --> 01:26:16,922 Frank ain't no dummy. I can't sing... 886 01:26:17,047 --> 01:26:20,759 ...but even I can follow that act. 887 01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:26,682 Thank you. 888 01:26:35,232 --> 01:26:37,651 Girls, you're hired! You're hired, girls! You're hired! 889 01:26:38,110 --> 01:26:42,155 You all have life. . . lifetime contracts here at the Pinto Ranch. 890 01:26:42,489 --> 01:26:45,242 I'II just have to move someplace else... now, girls! 891 01:26:45,617 --> 01:26:49,746 Lovely. Go to your dressing rooms and powder your noses. .. a lot! 892 01:26:49,996 --> 01:26:53,417 Absolutely wondertuI. Frank certainly knows his stuff! Just wonderfuI. 893 01:26:58,171 --> 01:27:00,507 Bad news. 894 01:27:16,815 --> 01:27:20,986 Oh, girls. How do you spell Laverne? Is that one word or two? - Two. - Three. 895 01:27:22,154 --> 01:27:24,239 Oh, Hymie, what a pleasant surprise! 896 01:27:30,495 --> 01:27:33,039 uh, what a pleasant surprise... 897 01:27:33,415 --> 01:27:37,836 Hey! l said l'd be here in ?4 hours. Therefore... 898 01:27:38,336 --> 01:27:43,008 ...it ain't no surprise. And it ain't gonna be pleasant either. May I? 899 01:27:45,427 --> 01:27:47,345 Oh my God... 900 01:28:00,734 --> 01:28:04,237 What are these three bow-wows? - lt's our new lounge act. 901 01:28:04,321 --> 01:28:08,241 What do they do? Scare the audience to death?... That's funny! 902 01:28:10,327 --> 01:28:12,537 Mr. Hymie? 903 01:28:14,414 --> 01:28:17,584 You girls ever hear of nair? - We're working on it. - Huh? 904 01:28:18,126 --> 01:28:20,629 Our doctor has us on hormones. 905 01:28:21,546 --> 01:28:25,509 Well, I suggest you go for a second opinion, because I think he's over-prescribing. 906 01:28:26,259 --> 01:28:28,804 Hi, l'm Laverne. 907 01:28:35,519 --> 01:28:37,979 Get me those hormones. 908 01:28:39,523 --> 01:28:42,526 Alright, Dumb-Dumb. Where's my nine Iarge? 909 01:28:45,237 --> 01:28:48,615 One million dollars, Hymie. And the rest is in escrow 910 01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:51,785 in a bank in downtown Las Vegas. 911 01:28:52,035 --> 01:28:56,164 I'm gonna consider this interest only, alright? 912 01:28:57,415 --> 01:29:03,797 Now, you have the principal by tomorrow, or you'll be under downtown Las Vegas. 913 01:29:06,424 --> 01:29:10,262 Girls... So long. - Bye, Mr. Hymie. 914 01:29:12,764 --> 01:29:15,725 Excuse me... You have a Ladies' restroom? 915 01:29:15,851 --> 01:29:19,271 Yes, it says "Cowgirls". It's the second door on the left. - On the left. 916 01:29:19,479 --> 01:29:24,067 Now, this is a lifetime contract, as l said . I presume they'II have their own wardrobe? 917 01:29:28,488 --> 01:29:30,574 Tits up! - Alright. 918 01:29:33,743 --> 01:29:37,873 Mr. Hymie! - That Laverne comes near me, waste her! 919 01:29:40,250 --> 01:29:43,378 We were just wondering if you could give us a Iittle advice on our careers. 920 01:29:43,587 --> 01:29:46,298 Oh, yeah! Get out of show business. 921 01:29:47,132 --> 01:29:48,675 Now! 922 01:29:51,511 --> 01:29:54,264 We got the money! 923 01:29:54,764 --> 01:29:57,142 Hide! Somebody's coming! 924 01:30:07,527 --> 01:30:11,406 Your purses. - Oh, good . We got the money! - Oh, let's go! - No, no! 925 01:30:12,032 --> 01:30:15,577 We gotta safe the Sheik! - Come on. - AIright. 926 01:30:19,748 --> 01:30:24,669 Hi, l was wondering if you gentlemen will be kind enough to help me with my luggage? 927 01:30:27,380 --> 01:30:29,799 Man, those three broads got a case of the uglies. 928 01:30:29,883 --> 01:30:32,302 Let the boss not hear you say that. 929 01:30:36,139 --> 01:30:39,351 It's torture, I tell you. Torture! Please. PIease! 930 01:30:39,476 --> 01:30:42,145 Hey, it's got a lock on it. - Break it down. - Come on. 931 01:30:42,812 --> 01:30:45,482 Ladies, at one, two, three! 932 01:30:48,777 --> 01:30:52,364 More Ladies! My beauties, you must wait your turn. 933 01:30:52,489 --> 01:30:54,824 There is only so much water in the fountain. 934 01:30:55,533 --> 01:30:59,996 Sheik, it's us! - We're not girls! - How dare you? 935 01:31:00,038 --> 01:31:03,249 It is out of the puestion! Allah will only forgive so much! 936 01:31:03,375 --> 01:31:07,253 Hey Abdul, put your slipper's on. Let's get outta here. - I don't want to go! 937 01:31:08,088 --> 01:31:11,758 I've tried everything, but.. . - Get me out of this. - This is something. 938 01:31:11,841 --> 01:31:15,053 Can I take this with me? - Okay with me. Come, tickle! 939 01:31:16,888 --> 01:31:21,851 I'm terribly sorry. - Now, listen to me. If these three uglies get away with my million 940 01:31:22,352 --> 01:31:26,314 Dumb-Dumb, then your father's gonna owe me a big favor. You know why? 941 01:31:26,481 --> 01:31:29,484 No. - Because I'm gonna kill you. And then... 942 01:31:29,776 --> 01:31:32,362 ...he's gonna kill you . And then he's gonna kill you. 943 01:31:32,612 --> 01:31:35,824 And then he's gonna kill you! - Charmed . There's no need to worry, Hymie. 944 01:31:35,991 --> 01:31:39,035 You see, they cannot escape. There's no way out of here. 945 01:31:39,119 --> 01:31:41,746 You are totally secure! 946 01:31:43,498 --> 01:31:46,251 However, I'm very shaky. 947 01:31:51,506 --> 01:31:54,426 Open! - Oh, shit! You got the key? 948 01:31:54,634 --> 01:31:58,179 Maybe. - You ungratefuI putz! - Hold it! 949 01:32:04,394 --> 01:32:06,730 The three Iittle pigs! 950 01:32:15,321 --> 01:32:17,240 Get me somebody to hide behind! 951 01:32:20,618 --> 01:32:24,080 This is it, boys. Remember the ruIes... 952 01:32:24,748 --> 01:32:28,168 No rules! - You heard him. Absolutely no ruIes! 953 01:32:28,501 --> 01:32:32,255 I told you , there's nothing to worry about. There won't be any witnesses. 954 01:32:32,839 --> 01:32:35,091 No witnesses? 955 01:32:36,885 --> 01:32:39,345 J .J., they're all around us. I... 956 01:33:02,160 --> 01:33:04,913 My money or your Iife. - Money! 957 01:33:06,164 --> 01:33:09,000 He's got the money. - Ha.. . He's got the money. 958 01:33:10,668 --> 01:33:12,003 J .J. 959 01:33:17,550 --> 01:33:20,303 Hey, did you see that picture where the bad guys get their Iast request? 960 01:33:20,637 --> 01:33:24,099 Yeah. - Well, some time on the late show. - It was really a good movie. 961 01:33:25,767 --> 01:33:28,770 A last meal perhaps? You couId Iay a little BBO on us. 962 01:33:28,895 --> 01:33:31,648 You know, something that you would go over the coals with? 963 01:33:32,315 --> 01:33:35,026 I'll have some puiche. And a little chocolate mousse. 964 01:33:36,277 --> 01:33:39,072 Er, Shish kebab. . . No, no. Couscous. 965 01:33:40,031 --> 01:33:41,491 Friggin' chickasee? 966 01:33:43,243 --> 01:33:45,078 Chicken fricasse... 967 01:33:45,829 --> 01:33:48,164 And you? - I'd Iike a wine list. 968 01:33:50,041 --> 01:33:53,128 Where l'm sending you, baby, everything's on the menu. 969 01:34:12,147 --> 01:34:13,731 We're saved! 970 01:34:22,240 --> 01:34:24,242 Hey, reminds me of Brooklyn! 971 01:34:30,665 --> 01:34:32,333 Hi there! 972 01:34:40,758 --> 01:34:42,594 Surprise! 973 01:34:47,015 --> 01:34:48,766 You too! 974 01:34:50,643 --> 01:34:53,146 Any puestions, boys? 975 01:34:59,319 --> 01:35:02,071 Do you mind a personal remark? - No, of course not! 976 01:35:02,238 --> 01:35:04,407 That is absolutely gorgeous! 977 01:35:06,409 --> 01:35:08,494 Hey, one's getting away! 978 01:35:10,830 --> 01:35:14,250 I got him. - l'II guard your back. Be carefuI and watch out! 979 01:35:14,292 --> 01:35:16,628 No problem . I'II be right back! 980 01:35:24,260 --> 01:35:26,930 You're okay? Must be a pretty tough guy up there. 981 01:35:27,055 --> 01:35:29,766 Maybe I should take care of this one. - He's all yours. 982 01:35:34,145 --> 01:35:36,564 I think, he's over his head this time. 983 01:35:51,371 --> 01:35:54,874 Hey! You look Iike an athlete. - Wow, thank you. l was an athlete. 984 01:35:54,999 --> 01:35:56,834 Oh yeah? - Yeah, l was... 985 01:35:58,044 --> 01:36:02,632 Oh, then you can probably handle yourself. - You're in danger. - I'II protect you , Sister. 986 01:36:03,508 --> 01:36:05,510 Four, five, six, seven... 987 01:36:06,928 --> 01:36:08,429 Next! 988 01:36:12,642 --> 01:36:15,853 Oh, don't do that to me again. This is just beautifuI! 989 01:36:15,979 --> 01:36:19,023 That's European, isn't it? - But of course. - Absolutely stunning! 990 01:36:19,732 --> 01:36:21,651 That's enough. That's enough! 991 01:36:24,279 --> 01:36:26,489 A thousand thanks, Sisters! - BIess you , my friend. 992 01:36:32,287 --> 01:36:34,122 Over there! Yeah! 993 01:36:34,247 --> 01:36:37,583 Come on, you brat. You pervert! 994 01:36:37,834 --> 01:36:40,253 Hey, how do you like this for a hose job? 995 01:36:46,009 --> 01:36:48,261 Oh yeah? Salute! 996 01:36:49,679 --> 01:36:53,641 Hello, Chaos! - Look J .J., a flower! Nice, huh? 997 01:36:54,017 --> 01:36:55,727 See ya! 998 01:36:57,228 --> 01:37:00,982 And I figured that 30,000 we owe you.. . This will more than take care of it. 999 01:37:02,400 --> 01:37:05,111 May I buy you a drink? - Yes. - Cherie! 1000 01:37:05,653 --> 01:37:08,781 Cherie!? I guess everyone. . . They seem to be so busy! 1001 01:37:13,536 --> 01:37:14,746 That was fun, J.J .! 1002 01:37:18,249 --> 01:37:20,543 Get those guys! - You got it. 1003 01:37:21,127 --> 01:37:23,421 FIy, baby! FIy! 1004 01:37:24,547 --> 01:37:28,009 Help is on the way! Justice will triumph! 1005 01:37:30,887 --> 01:37:34,265 Sorry, bad guys! Carry on. 1006 01:37:34,891 --> 01:37:39,062 Raining Iike a son-of-a-bitch over there. You need any help here? - Yes. Inject that. 1007 01:37:39,228 --> 01:37:43,232 Fine. Oh, the plague! I've seen this before... 1008 01:37:54,327 --> 01:37:58,247 No, Jackie! J.J ... Cannonball. . . You got it! 1009 01:38:10,259 --> 01:38:12,428 Friend or foe? - Have a guess! 1010 01:38:15,264 --> 01:38:18,643 It's a bird. - It's a plane. - lt's Hymie! 1011 01:38:27,485 --> 01:38:29,987 Would you hold this for me, please? I would Iike to really... 1012 01:38:30,071 --> 01:38:33,658 ...get a good Iook at that ring again. It's truly Iovely. 1013 01:38:38,079 --> 01:38:39,622 Oh my God... 1014 01:38:47,547 --> 01:38:49,841 Oh, Iook... 1015 01:38:50,258 --> 01:38:54,554 J .J., it's a vision. - No.. . No, it's us. 1016 01:38:59,600 --> 01:39:02,019 Oh, Sister Betty. 1017 01:39:02,478 --> 01:39:05,815 "Him" didn't know you had that in you. - "Him" will . 1018 01:39:06,983 --> 01:39:09,360 We're here to help you win! 1019 01:39:09,861 --> 01:39:14,615 Did you miss me? - So much. .. - Oh thanks. A little more than that? 1020 01:39:15,241 --> 01:39:17,994 I'm glad you missed me that much! 1021 01:39:18,786 --> 01:39:20,997 All these wondertul gals! 1022 01:39:22,498 --> 01:39:24,584 Fenderbaum! 1023 01:39:26,335 --> 01:39:29,005 Boy-nun, boy-boy, boy-nun. 1024 01:39:32,341 --> 01:39:36,053 Fenderbaum! What are you doing with my partner? 1025 01:39:36,512 --> 01:39:38,347 Partner? - Partner? 1026 01:39:38,514 --> 01:39:42,143 Yes! I have bought the Pinto Ranch! 1027 01:39:42,560 --> 01:39:44,020 Yes! 1028 01:39:45,605 --> 01:39:49,150 And why not? I have a weakness for blondes... 1029 01:39:49,358 --> 01:39:52,236 ...and women without mustaches. 1030 01:39:54,489 --> 01:40:00,369 Before you do any hiring you tell your partner about your Iiabilities. 1031 01:40:00,495 --> 01:40:02,914 You know, you have a very big mouth! 1032 01:40:04,332 --> 01:40:06,584 My Sheik! - My partner! 1033 01:40:06,792 --> 01:40:10,087 My Sheik, I will need just a little operating capital. 1034 01:40:10,671 --> 01:40:12,423 How much? 1035 01:40:13,549 --> 01:40:17,136 Nine million dollars? - Nine million? 1036 01:40:17,386 --> 01:40:20,890 A drop in the well! I will give you 1 6 million. 1037 01:40:21,015 --> 01:40:25,061 That way you will have some petty cash! - Thank you, my Sheik. Where are you going? 1038 01:40:25,728 --> 01:40:28,022 To win the race! 1039 01:40:28,481 --> 01:40:32,735 To share in my good fortune with my fellow Cannonballers 1040 01:40:32,985 --> 01:40:37,990 I have decided to raise the prize money to two million dollars! 1041 01:40:39,784 --> 01:40:42,745 How many zeros is in that? - l don't know! 1042 01:40:43,871 --> 01:40:48,000 We'II split it three ways? -Yeah! - Come, my sweethearts, we go! 1043 01:40:57,301 --> 01:40:59,303 Hey, Fenderbaum, Blake! Come here a minute! 1044 01:41:00,012 --> 01:41:02,431 What is it, Frank? Can't you see we're busy? 1045 01:41:02,557 --> 01:41:06,227 I know that. That's why I want to get a head start. See you in Connecticut. 1046 01:42:02,742 --> 01:42:07,496 Oh, so sorry. You are average player. Please try again Iater. 1047 01:42:36,609 --> 01:42:40,529 You gotta have to stop this thing. I can't examine you with all this movin' around. 1048 01:42:40,613 --> 01:42:46,285 I can't stop! I can't stop! Just keep me alive until we reach Connecticut! 1049 01:42:55,169 --> 01:42:57,838 So much for Abdul... 1050 01:42:58,589 --> 01:43:02,510 It's money in the bank, I tell you. A million bucks! 1051 01:43:02,677 --> 01:43:05,554 The whole of a million bucks apiece! 1052 01:43:11,602 --> 01:43:15,314 That's Frank. - Where'd he Iearn to drive like that? 1053 01:43:15,564 --> 01:43:17,900 I don't know, but don't Iet him pass us! 1054 01:43:18,234 --> 01:43:20,736 FIoor it! - It's floored! 1055 01:43:21,278 --> 01:43:24,323 Hi Frank, chicky-lover baby! Hi there! 1056 01:43:24,490 --> 01:43:27,993 Remember me, Fenderbaum? Listen, whoever gets to the finish Iine first 1057 01:43:28,244 --> 01:43:30,496 we split it 50I50, okay? 1058 01:43:31,997 --> 01:43:33,374 70I30 1059 01:43:34,875 --> 01:43:37,378 How about 1 0o!o? 1060 01:43:37,878 --> 01:43:39,296 Forget it. 1061 01:44:02,987 --> 01:44:05,781 Forget it, guys! You're four hours and 1 5 martinis late! 1062 01:44:05,865 --> 01:44:08,993 Better go in the bar and get gassed up, 'cause you're racing back tomorrow... 1063 01:44:09,326 --> 01:44:13,164 ...at noon! - Park it. I'll see you in the bar. 1064 01:44:13,998 --> 01:44:17,334 Thanks. We'II leave tomorrow and we'll be back in four days. 1065 01:44:17,585 --> 01:44:21,380 Then Atlantic City and a weekend you'll never forget. 1066 01:44:21,505 --> 01:44:25,050 Once again you have brought shame and disgrace to our tribe 1067 01:44:25,176 --> 01:44:29,263 by not winning the Cannonball Run. - But Pop, there was this doctor in the car. 1068 01:44:29,388 --> 01:44:31,891 He gave me a. .. It was kismet. - l warn you! 1069 01:44:32,141 --> 01:44:35,269 Tomorrow's race is the Iast Cannonball I am financing. 1070 01:44:35,394 --> 01:44:37,980 If you do not win, do not bother to come home. 1071 01:44:38,063 --> 01:44:40,816 Pop, don't worry. I can't Iose! 1072 01:44:41,025 --> 01:44:45,863 I have hired the winner of this Cannonball to be my co-driver in the next one. 1073 01:44:46,238 --> 01:44:50,242 I'd Iike you to meet him. I have told him so much about you , Pop. 1074 01:44:53,496 --> 01:44:57,541 Excuse me, Sir. I'd Iike you to meet my Pop! 1075 01:45:16,060 --> 01:45:19,897 The Cannonball is a race from California to Connecticut. We have Iots of fun. 1076 01:45:19,980 --> 01:45:23,067 And then. .. The Sheik... What they... 1077 01:45:23,734 --> 01:45:26,612 I can get this. Just a minute. I can do it. Wait a minute. 1078 01:45:27,071 --> 01:45:29,740 And. . . - We'll start from the slap. - From the slap? 1079 01:45:30,324 --> 01:45:32,368 Sir! Er... 1080 01:45:35,830 --> 01:45:38,541 Just pick it up right from the slap. 1081 01:45:40,042 --> 01:45:41,794 Sir! 1082 01:45:41,877 --> 01:45:45,923 Sorry, we get this in a minute. It's alright. We get it. Here we go. 1083 01:45:46,298 --> 01:45:49,093 Oh, Sir! The Cannonball is a race 1084 01:45:49,093 --> 01:45:51,262 from Connecticut to your ass. 1085 01:46:05,734 --> 01:46:08,988 Now, if your mother could kiss like that... 1086 01:46:09,321 --> 01:46:12,116 We're just gonna place it. Ready? Huh? 1087 01:46:14,618 --> 01:46:17,079 Is that what you want? You got it. 1088 01:46:17,246 --> 01:46:21,250 Okay? - I don't trust you. - No, you got it, I swear. I'm just gonna place it. 1089 01:46:24,169 --> 01:46:27,339 Oh shit, if I wasn't getting a Iot of money... 1090 01:46:28,132 --> 01:46:31,385 Don't get it from the ground . - Where might I gonna get it from? 1091 01:46:31,510 --> 01:46:34,263 Get it from here. This is fresh. 1092 01:46:34,680 --> 01:46:37,766 There'II be a mound here. - l got fresh stuff here. 1093 01:46:37,850 --> 01:46:41,770 Nobody's ever peed on this. I'm just gonna place it. 1094 01:46:45,608 --> 01:46:48,319 How animals live on this shit? 1095 01:47:10,299 --> 01:47:14,386 Listen, if we have these nuns God will be our co-pilot. 1096 01:47:14,762 --> 01:47:17,932 I don't care. You Iisten to me. Listen to me. 1097 01:47:20,768 --> 01:47:23,062 We're not taking those nuns along. 1098 01:47:26,065 --> 01:47:29,026 What is the matter with you? I can't work Iike this! 1099 01:47:30,778 --> 01:47:35,240 She's winking at me. - Hold there. - She's to wave. 1100 01:47:35,282 --> 01:47:40,746 Alright. - I have no protection. She is.. . Godammit.. . - Pick it up. 1101 01:47:41,622 --> 01:47:45,417 Lepers? New York? - No: "Lepers? Big Apple?" 1102 01:47:46,627 --> 01:47:49,380 I order you... 1103 01:47:52,841 --> 01:47:56,637 J .J.! Long time no see. - Captain Chaos, nice to see you again. 1104 01:47:58,138 --> 01:48:00,766 Would you do it again? - Yeah, certainly. - Here we go. 1105 01:48:07,648 --> 01:48:10,275 Keep it rollin'. Here we go. 1106 01:48:14,530 --> 01:48:17,741 J .J.! - Captain Chaos! - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1107 01:48:17,866 --> 01:48:21,245 Good to see you! - Listen, I'd deem it a personal pruverage.. . privilege, 1108 01:48:21,370 --> 01:48:25,249 if I can get in that bomb and get my teeth fixed. Turn around, Iet's start again. 1109 01:48:28,544 --> 01:48:32,172 J .J.! - Captain Chaos. - Long time no see. - Good to see you again. 1110 01:48:32,840 --> 01:48:35,676 I'd deem it a privilege you Iet me ride in the bomb. 1111 01:48:36,176 --> 01:48:39,638 Did you understand that at all? Just turn around and let me do it again.